Are we all going to fall for another con?

By Mabel Doge Luhan

Well, butter my biscuit! Another “investor” is “going to open” another four-star, international brand name hotel in Saipan!

According to the September 9th article “Former Hyatt may reopen in November” in the Marianas Variety (thanks for putting dates on your online articles — only took you twenty years), there’s going to be a new hotel opening in November! “Our options are Sheraton or Westin… and then also the Hilton brand,” according to David Hood.

Right. That sounds credible. You’re opening in two months and have “options” of three hotel brands.

As is true of Gloria Cavanagh’s statements in legislative hearings about the “correlation” (sic) between MVA funding and tourist arrivals, there are only two options to explain this hotel opening promise: either David Hood is a fool, or he thinks we are.

Wait, what’s that? Gloria Cavanagh is posing with David Hood for a photo op? Well I’ll be bejazzled! Think of the coincidence!

David Hood knows full well that even in a central location in the mainland US, taking a derelict hotel and reopening it under a major brand name is a big undertaking that can seldom be done in less than a year. And on a remote island with no local resources nor skilled labor? That of course assumes that any attempt is actually going to be made to open as a Sheraton or Westin or whatever — which is a bit of a pipe dream.

Let’s wait, of course, for step 2 of the pitch: the need for government “support” of some sort for this project. It’s like a Nigerian advance-fee scam: “Just give us a bit of money now, and we’ll give you a trillion dollars next year!” (Sounds like MVA as well, doesn’t it? Good work, Gloria!)

Say, isn’t David Hood the same fellow who brought a Tesla here, and promised us:

“Hood said that once they are ready with the data, they are going to share with the public the results of using e-cars on island. “We will tell people so they can read about it and be informed. …They can even take the cars for a test drive.” (“Renewable energy in the ‘Hood,’” Bea Cabrera, Saipan Tribune, September 15, 2021)

Three years later, where you at? Also, what grants or tax incentives paid for that Tesla? How can my wheelman arrange a test drive? Just curious!

But this is all very credible, because “Hood estimates that his largest company, Coldwell Solar, is valued at over $200 million, and he intends to invest $30 million in the renovation of the hotel.”  (From the September 9th Marianas Variety article)

Wow, over $200 million! And the reporters just take it as fact. Come on, Dave — go big and tell them $200 billion, because they will believe that too.

Had he told this story to a real newspaper, there would’ve been so many questions:

1. What does “his” mean? Is he the sole owner of a $200 million company? Really?

2. Where do you get that $200 million valuation? As David Hood knows, you can claim any valuation you want for your business. In fact, Kandit just reached an eight trillion dollar valuation, because one of my highly intelligent falcons said so! That valuation isn’t real until the company is bought or sold, arm’s-length, for that price.

3. Even if Coldwell Solar is “worth” $200 million, how does that translate to $30 million cash to renovate the hotel? As a middle-schooler could tell you, even if a company is really “worth $200 million,” it’s extremely unlikely to have $30 million cash lying around.

4. Coldwell Solar is totally separate from MB Capital — in the real world, you can’t just have one company pay another company’s bills. Unless David wants to use his Coldwell Solar holdings as collateral to borrow $30 million to renovate the hotel — which no bank would ever agree to, and which no business person would want to do anyway. Because why use your own money when you can…

Whet the marks’ appetites and then move in for the con!

Just let us know when and where the ask is coming for an “investment” or a “partnership” or a “development loan.” Don’t be shy now! Or are you waiting for the Variety to run a few more articles about how many jobs you will create at this new hotel before you do the ask?

This is certainly not the first “investor” (what does that term even mean in this context, because it’s certainly not the regular meaning of the word?) to promise Saipan a brand-name hotel.

Remember when some “investors” promised to open a Sheraton at the old Palms Resort? Or the many others who claimed to be opening a Sheraton, a Marriott, or any other brand name they could pitch to their retail investment scam victims in Korea or China?

The hotel was all a done deal, they told us, because we were their victims too. And why not tell us that? After all, no Saipan “reporter” would dare challenge them, or call them to task. Not once has a Saipan journalist asked one of these “investors” a difficult question, and not once has a Saipan journalist taken them to task for not fulfilling any of their promises. All the “journalists” completely swallowed all of IPI’s lies about a “six-star resort” (again: what in the world does that mean?) and its “seven-billion dollar investment” (right: the world’s most valuable hotel is going to be in Saipan) — and that’s not all they swallowed!

We have such a track record here of hotel promises made with impunity, and repeated, amplified, and printed as fact by the newspapers:

 

“Marriott Resort & Spa to open on Saipan”

https://www.mvariety.com/news/local/marriott-resort-spa-to-open-on-saipan/article_91e29e74-6cc1-11ee-bb45-33f4d0ea55a0.html

(wherein Emmanuel Erediano lies to us)

 

“Marianas Global to hold grand opening on Managaha next year”

https://www.mvariety.com/news/marianas-global-to-hold-grand-opening-on-managaha-next-year/article_f691dbaa-36bb-11ee-abfc-3b08eb9f25b7.html

(Erediano lying to us again)

“DPL: ‘Mini-city’ soon to rise in Marpi”

https://www.mvariety.com/news/local/dpl-mini-city-soon-to-rise-in-marpi/article_40ae327a-0ee1-58d6-a921-6af8c3a39625.html

(“Variety News Staff” as the article’s author)

 

“$164M hotel wants to start construction in March”

https://www.saipantribune.com/news/local/164m-hotel-wants-to-start-construction-in-march/article_bc6bee4a-c60d-52d1-b886-aae509ecb5fd.html

(a mystery “Contributing Author” at the Saipan Tribune lying to us but withholding their name)

 

Is it the grifters’ fault? Not really. Dogs bark and grifters grift. It is, of course, the journalists’ fault for not exposing the hilariously transparent lies.

So here we go again. We’re still wearing the sign that says “Scam Me,” and there’s no shortage of willing takers.

_____

Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.