Support Kingman; let’s stop shaming the petty thieves and instead jail the biggest saki of them all


By Mabel Doge Luhan

This law thing — are we serious about it or not?

Our newspapers, social media, comments sections / psychiatric overflow facilities, and fiesta tables are full of laments about saki. There’s nothing we hate more than some poor addicted person who stole coins or a car battery because of their overpowering illness. And nothing elicits more cheers from the Commonwealth’s peanut gallery than handcuffing those addicts. Biba! Put them away! No more revolving door! (What does that mean, by the way? Everyone gets a life sentence? And who’s paying?)

We all claim to support the police. Law and order. And there’s nothing we hate more than thieves!

But when the biggest alleged heist in CNMI history was in progress, how many of us turned a blind eye, or lined up at the trough, or both?

And standing in the ruins, how many of us still refuse to point a public finger at the allegedly obvious perpetrators?

The theft of $15,000 from each and every Commonwealth resident

Now we have a chance to bring the biggest alleged thief in CNMI history to justice — for now, just a tester of prosecuting his alleged theft of a few hundred K in airfares, pocket change for a guy like him, and maybe later, for the bigger stuff. If the allegations are true, the money stolen just in the Torres administration’s final two years totals over $15,000 for every human in the CNMI. If your family has five people, then one person and his cronies has, according to unproven allegations, stolen over $75,000 from your family. Not in some metaphorical way like the “exposure value” MVA talks about. No, real cash. Ralph Torres was allegedly stealing real cash, not “exposure value” or other metrics his government used in its self-promotion.

James Kingman

We even have a prosecutor here ready to prosecute the alleged thief. And for once, this hire was no Dallas Peavey Junior. Instead, we were able to get Jim Kingman, a Harvard Law School graduate and experienced prosecutor, for $85,000 a year — which is normally what a person with Jim Kingman’s qualifications would earn in a month at a firm. To put that in perspective, Jim Kingman, who graduated from Harvard Law, is getting almost the same salary as Chris Concepcion, who once was briefly entrusted with the luggage scale at Counter 3.

So why in the world is no one throwing their support to Kingman’s effort, nor the prosecution? In fact, why is no one publicly thanking Jim Kingman and his staff? I AM DOING SO RIGHT NOW.

The Governor shouldn’t appear to be making this political, of course, but isn’t it normal for a Governor to prosecute criminals and pursue justice? Or at least publicly support doing so? Is it really so unallowable for the Governor to prosecute (or at least publicly support prosecuting) an alleged criminal if that alleged criminal happens to be a past political opponent?

aka Kim Jong Bistek

How about our legislative candidates? Hayi? Which candidate has voiced support for Jim Kingman or for the prosecution of Kim Jong Bistek? And which candidate is still riding the Cheet-o-round? (METAPHORICALLY.)

All the candidates hate-read my column, at least those who can read a page of text and are not busy scoring meth or hieing to Kolob — so a couple, at the most. Nonetheless, if any candidate wishes to publicly voice their support for the special prosecutor, email my amanuensis at [email protected] and hope and pray for Richard daguerreotypes. (I AM REFERRING TO THOSE OF MY AMANUENSIS, BECAUSE AMAZON CLOUD ULTRA PRO COULDN’T FIT JIM KINGMAN’S DICKY-DAGUES.)

And the n-word. Newspaper. At the Variety, the island’s least intelligent falcon cum editor opposes prosecuting a criminal. That must be why his mews boyfriend looks like the Albanian flag. The Tribune? I don’t even care, but big-ups to Rabago on the weight loss. You’re such a handsome young man! Your newspaper is still terrible.

How about our public intellectuals? J/K. But how about the Chamber of Commerce (J/K), the Lions Clubs, the Rotaries, the churches, the dart leagues, the munch groups? All of them will publicly say they support law enforcement when the alleged criminal is sick and poor and powerless. How about when the alleged criminal is an alleged mob boss who allegedly still controls much of the local government? Will any of them support law enforcement then? Is that the sound of 4’33”?

And if you’re not willing to support the prosecution of the biggest alleged heist in CNMI history, then how exactly do you support law and order? As my former badminton coach (with benefits) said, “F the police, but who’s stopping you from killing me?”

Could a politician walk down Beach Road and shoot someone, and you’d still support him? How about if a politician walks down Beach Road and shoots YOU — would that finally be enough for you to oppose criminality?

If you support the rule of law, do it, or at least say it. Now. Especially you, Governor.

_____
Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.


3 Comments

  • Saipan Resident

      10/10/2024 at 9:42 AM

    I typically don’t comment on these boards, but there’s so much misinformation and unfounded claims in this article that I felt I had to speak up.

    Mabel, I appreciate your work, especially your piece on Mike Hood (MB Capital), which was thorough and well-supported with evidence. However, this article seems politically motivated and contains numerous inaccuracies.

    For example, the average salary for a Harvard Law graduate is about $101,736 annually (source: https://www.payscale.com/research/US/School=Harvard_Law_School/Salary). Claiming that Kingman earns $85,000 a month is simply untrue. A look at Kingman’s personal Facebook posts provides a clearer picture of him, and I hope he doesn’t make his profile private because there are some revealing insights there.

    The allegation that $15,000 per person was stolen is also baseless and lacks any evidence.

    Lastly, regarding the Governor’s decision not to appoint a special prosecutor for Ralph Torres, Judge Barcinas made it clear that this power lies within the executive branch. Instead of pursuing this route, the Governor chose to appeal the judge’s decision, prolonging the matter for at least another year.

    As I mentioned, I value your articles when they are factually supported. I encourage you to maintain that standard and avoid publishing misleading information.

    • Mabel Doge Luhan

        10/10/2024 at 4:21 PM

      I am an OPINION COLUMNIST, so nothing I write is authoritative. Most of it isn’t even true.

      $101,000 a year was a realistic salary for an HLS grad with 20+ years of experience, when I got my first hot flash in 1952.

      In 2022, the average Biglaw starting salary (young and fresh and naive, just out of law school) was $215K + $20K bonus, across all law schools. After 8 years, $415K + $115K bonus. That’s an average across law schools. https://www.lsd.law/articles/lawyer-salaries

      I don’t base my support for the prosecution of a criminal on the prosecutor’s personal Facebook page.

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