What a dumb, tone-deaf budget these senators passed


John A. Ananich II

By John A. Ananich II

To the esteemed Senators who voted in favor of the 2025 fiscal budget, I extend my sincerest congratulations. Truly, you have demonstrated an unparalleled aptitude for perfidy, a masterclass in the abandonment of moral responsibility under the guise of leadership. As you sip your milk and nibble your cookies, basking in the glow of your own indolence, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve accomplished: the utter decimation of Guam’s foundational pillars: education, public safety, and healthcare.

It’s as if you’ve taken the very soul of governance, public trust, civic duty, and the common good; and sold it for trinkets of complacency. But then, why bother with education? An educated populace might actually question your decisions. Much safer to keep the masses ignorant, uninformed, and subservient. After all, knowledge is dangerous, isn’t it? By all means, defund our schools, strip them bare of resources. Our children don’t need to learn how to think critically or aspire to greatness; they merely need to learn the art of survival in the barren wasteland you’ve so expertly curated.

Public safety? What a quaint notion. Why fund the agencies that protect the populace when you can line your pockets with the spoils of bureaucratic ineptitude? Firefighters without trucks, police without backup—just another day in the crumbling empire you govern so callously.

And healthcare; let’s address that debacle, shall we? Cutting from a system already on life support? Genius. Why offer basic medical care when the alternative (mass suffering) is so much more efficient? Perhaps you envision a future where the ill simply die off, lightening the burden on your conscience. Bravo, Senators, you’ve played this one like Satan himself couldn’t have.

Homelessness? Oh, please. Why bother even pretending to care? In your infinite wisdom, you’ve laid the groundwork for a future where the very people you claim to represent will be displaced, wandering the streets with nowhere to turn. But I suppose that’s all part of your grand design, isn’t it? Destitution is the logical conclusion of your governance, ensuring that those already struggling will be utterly forsaken.

And the beauty of it all is how you’ve managed to convince yourselves that you’re doing us all a favor. With every budget cut, every cynical vote, every feigned expression of concern, you congratulate yourselves for your cunning manipulation of a system designed to protect the vulnerable. Instead, you exploit it for your own grotesque sense of satisfaction, taking pride in the suffering of the very people who trusted you to serve.

But don’t worry, you have nothing to fear. After all, you’ve manipulated the masses so thoroughly that I’m sure you’ll secure my vote once again. Why wouldn’t you? You’ve done such a marvelous job ensuring that my future, and the future of my family, is as bleak and hopeless as you’ve made it. It’s hard to resist voting for such brilliance. So rest easy; my vote is assured. How could it not be? You’ve done such wonders for us all.

Biba Guam, indeed. Biba politicians. Keep up the stellar work.

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John Ananich is a local small businessman and resident of Dededo


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