I used to love shooting up liquefied meth into the large vein at the inside bend of my arm. I chased that high, abandoning all else in life. It got so bad, I did not recognize it was all I was doing— chasing a feeling that could never be replicated, chemistry being what it is and all.
In the midst of it, I was aging, my body emaciating, my mind losing its power and capacity little by little., but more and more.
There were holidays I missed with family, occasions with friends I ditched, and the worst – there were times I neglected to feed my dogs or take them out of the house for some sunshine.
It’s the sunshine I missed out on. God gave me so many opportunities to bask in this glow and to shine, and I retreated into the abyss of addiction.
Sunshine is what I look forward to daily, now. The high I chase now, is the race to open my eyes before the sun shimmers on the horizon. Unlike chasing a meth high, racing the sunrise becomes more exhilarating each day.
I would not expect the me of three years ago to understand this at all. I was far more dumb, naive, vain, and arrogant to see what I see now. There is something God-given, dare I say Holy, about waking sober and able and curious upon a new day.
Life is ahead of me, with no promise for how long that will last, but with one sure covenant: that I get to command my moment with gifts by God and decisions to succeed.
There is glory in this race to see the Sun come upon the earth. If we can all touch the dew fall before the rays take them into the heavens, we can all beat whatever it is we’ve been chasing with deceiving abandon.
