MUSD Pushers Should Come Clean, Prove They’re Qualified, Not Corrupt, Able to Prevent Russian Infiltration and Money Laundering

By Mabel Doge Luhan for Mabel’s Table, Kandit News & Views

No, no. Not a shoe factory, not a monorail, not British tourists, not a casino, not cybersecurity, not a peanut butter plant, not car transshipment. It’s cryptocurrency that’s going to make us rich (without requiring any work)!

Tinian is going to use its authority as a US local government to issue cryptocurrency! Just don’t call it issuing money, because that would be prohibited by the Constitution (Article I, section 10). It’s — a stablecoin. Which means, some entity is going to (purport to) hold USD in trust, and issue crypto coins that have claims on that USD that’s held in trust. So those crypto coins would theoretically have a stable value in USD. I mean, because you can totally trust the Tinian local government plus Marianas Rai to hold all that USD and not lay a finger on it.

Why in the world would Tinian get into this? There are about two hundred USD-based stablecoins already in existence. Stablecoins are primarily used for converting Bitcoin to real currency, the main customers being the only businesses that take Bitcoin — pig butchering scams, drug and weapons dealers, and sanctions-evaders.

Any kind of stablecoin is a magnet for these kinds of illegalities. And so this new Tinian stablecoin elicits two questions. First, the less important question: why does Tinian want to do this, when there are hundreds of other stablecoins around, and Tinian can’t even manage basic public services, much less complex financial regulation?! And then the thicker and meatier question: why is there demand for a Tinian stablecoin, when there are hundreds of existing stablecoins — ones mostly tightly watched and regulated by actual functional regulatory bodies?

That’s a good time to talk about Tinian’s partner in this venture! Marianas Rai. Rai supposedly refers to stone coins used a few thousand miles away in the South Pacific — and it’s purely coincidence that rai, according to a helpful reader of this column, means paradise in Russian.

Marianas Rai’s hypeman, who calls himself Vin Armani, incidentally is married to a Russian woman, and publicly converted to a Russian Orthodox religion. “Vin Armani” also, according to my very hazy and unreliable memory from when I once checked his Twitter feed, simps hard for Vladimir Putin. Or “President Putin,” as he lovingly calls him.

This is all perfectly legal, of course. He’s fully within his rights. There’s nothing illegal about marrying a Russian woman, practicing a Russian religion, or revering Vladimir Putin.

“Vin Armani” used to appear on a TV show about male prostitution — which is, in fact, illegal in most of Nevada.

“Vin Armani” did reveal his real name — Matthew Stuart — in his contract with the CNMI government. (Interestingly, there’s someone named Matthew Stuart, also in Nevada, who exploited a Nevada legal loophole to fleece investors through an entity called Bettor Investments, soon after himself having declared personal bankruptcy.) “Vin Armani” also revealed his last name when unsuccessfully filing for PUA when first moving to the CNMI. Some interesting reading!

When “Vin Armani” moved here, he [allegedly] told a crypto blog that it was because he thought the US Government was going to assassinate him (https://cointelegraph.com/news/crypto-youtuber-moves-to-saipan-to-escape-totalitarian-tyranny  ). This gives rise to some interesting questions: Why would he think that? Is someone who thinks they’re an enemy of the federal government the right person to spearhead a government-backed cryptocoin? And if Mr. “Armani” backs out and says he was just spitting hyperbole, well then is someone who spits this kind of hyperbole the right person to spearhead a government-backed cryptocoin?

It’s also interesting that Mr. “Armani” seems to think, according to a quote in the Cointelegraph article, that the CNMI has “[N]o IRS or ICE jurisdiction.” Again, whether he’s dreadfully misinformed or just spitting hyperbole, why is it important for him to be outside of IRS or ICE jurisdiction?

Hilariously, though, Vin – allegedly from that article – tells us that in Saipan, “[T]here’s next to no crime, no violent crime…. No code enforcement dept.” He must be new here.

But none of this is the point. In fact, it makes a mockery of the Commonwealth that a hyperelderly busybody opinion columnist is here digging up this info about someone proposing to run a major global financial operation in our CNMI. And the reason I’m doing it is that no one else is.

Anywhere in the civilized world, the burden would not be on Scooby Doo bloggers to find dirt on someone coming with this kind of offer to the government. The burden would be on that person to prove who they are, provide thorough credentials on their capabilities, track record, ethical and professional standing, and impeccable legal and personal record.

In the CNMI? We didn’t even publicly get these people’s real names. Kandit had to file an Open Government Act request to get its hands on “Vin Armani’s” real name. Nor do we find out anything about these people’s education, experience, work history, credit history (yes, this is due diligence), nor anything else. Zero. Marianas Rai seems to have had no business activity before this contract.

In the CNMI, someone applying to drive a water truck needs to submit photocopies of their passport, high school diploma, a map to where they live, personal and work references, and a criminal record or “police clearance.” Not, though, someone applying to spearhead a cryptocurrency using the name and credibility of our CNMI.

Don’t even get us started on the Marianas Variety. The less they understand a topic, the more pliable they are to printing whatever someone tells them. And the range of things they don’t understand is wide.

Everyone else, meanwhile, is cheering for whatever this stablecoin thing is going to be. Because it holds the promise of getting rich without needing to do any work. And if it attracts financial crime (most likely, in my estimation, Russian money laundering and sanctions-evading) — well, that’s not any CNMI politician’s problem, is it?

As much as I mock Celina Babauta and her captive insurance obsession, I commend her for being the only prominent voice questioning what this stablecoin is all about.

Again: It shouldn’t be up to the people, the journalists, and the government to find fault in proposed stablecoin. It should be up to the stablecoin and its backers to make the argument, and provide solid proof, that this is going to benefit the CNMI, and that somehow, a Tinian government of folks who are mostly functionally illiterate and innumerate is going to perform complex financial regulation that’s a challenge for the IRS and SEC. Sure.

Is there a legitimate explanation and a good reason to run this stablecoin project, one that doesn’t involve Russians evading sanctions? Maybe. We’re all ears over here at Kandit.

If Marianas Rai or its supporters want to submit an opinion piece, please do so. But unlike the Variety, we don’t go for vague superlatives and promises of “advancing the ecosystem” or whatever other nonsense the Variety’s “reporters” would believe.

We’d just like to know why there’s market demand for a Tinian stablecoin, who’s going to use it and for what, why they’d choose a Tinian stablecoin over the many others, and why other jurisdictions haven’t also minted stablecoins if it’s such a great idea. We’d also like to know how it’s going to be ensured that the stash of USD backing up the stablecoin won’t be drained (a la Bank of Saipan or CNMI Retirement Fund), and how the Tinian government is going to prevent money laundering. We’d also like to see the educational and professional credentials of everyone involved in this project, both on the Tinian government side and the Marianas Rai side — with authorization for us to call and verify the stated credentials. Thx! (Though we don’t expect you to take us up on that offer.)

Until then, we can’t even really give props to Celina Babauta, because what she’s doing should be the bare minimum of any legislator who’s not utterly corrupt. It’s depressing to have to send out a big Biba! because she dares to ask the most basic of questions. We are nevertheless sending Celina lots of that Biba! spirit.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take advantage of this lack of code enforcement, and IT’S TIME TO GET MY TITTIES OUT!

_____
Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.