
RELATIVE TO COMMENDING THE REPUBLICAN GUAM LEGISLATURE FOR REGULATING ONE OF THE DUMBEST AND MOST WASTEFUL PRACTICES OF SENATORS:
WHEREAS, most of Guam’s senators since antes guantes have wasted their time, our time, and public resources on their ridiculous practice of handing out commemorative and oftentimes idiotic resolutions to every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Karen; and
WHEREAS, commemorative resolutions add zero value to the lawmaking duties and responsibilities of senators; and
WHEREAS, these senators love the attention from these resolution presentations, acting like princes and princesses of Guam with the recipients honoring them for their gestures at our expense while parading in the ridiculous pomp and circumstance of what had become a royal court; and
WHEREAS, the bestowing of these resolutions arrested public resources, not just in the drafting and introduction of these resolutions, but in their scheduling and presentation that often impede efforts to schedule timely public hearings on actual legislation, and also with the resources spent for these attention-hungry senators to have their pictures and video taken, posted to social media, and sent to news media for publication; and
WHEREAS, I am so happy that this term I never have to see another Amanda Shelton resolution presentation, the likes of which over the past several years helped me to lose my will to live every time the legislature channel was on and I saw her wasting even more of our public resources on her ridiculous resolutions; and
WHEREAS, resolution presentations have become so stupid that our government has in the past held entire resolution ceremonies to commemorate holidays that Congress and the Legislature already have declared!; and
WHEREAS, it was just a matter of time before some senator would introduce a resolution to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ to remind us all that Christmas exists on December 25, since senators and governors have previously used public resources to resolve and proclaim and take credit for Veterans Day, Hanukkah, and the life of the great Dr. King; and
WHEREAS, THANKFULLY, the ability for senators in this new legislature to introduce such stupid resolutions has been greatly restricted by Vice Speaker Tony Ada’s Standing Rules that now limit the number of commemorative resolutions each senators can introduce for the next two years to 10; and
WHEREAS, while this is a small gesture compared to the great priorities of our people, it is a significant sign of self restraint and effort against vanity from the Republicans, who promised change through both legislative reform and in how the legislative branch will operate; NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT
RESOLVED, by I Mina Blah Blah Blah na Batbarias gi Kandit that sane and reasonable Guamanians thank the Republicans for regulating such a stupid legislative tradition that wasted our time and money; AND BE IT FURTHER
RESOLVED, that this resolution be appended to the mindset of all 15 senators so that they will think twice before introducing another idiotic resolution instead of doing their damn work they were elected to do, and that copies of the same be given to the Guam Solid Waste Authority in Congress assembled of the Royal Court of Narnia whereby Harry Potter, the Witches of Eastwick, and the Wizard of Oz do declare their fealty to a world where Amanda Shelton can no longer introduce another stupid resolution.
DONE IN THE CITY OF YIGO, GUAM, on this TWENTY-FOURTH day of JANUARY, TWO THOUSAND TWENTY FIVE, in the Year of Our Lord, Anno Domini with all the bells and whistles, all the flags you want, and Telo Taitague singing about the Linguine of our kottura.
Troy Torres, esq., M.D., Ph.D., MMA, FDA, BIBA
3 Comments
Grandpa
01/24/2025 at 8:21 PM
Love it.
2pitBoy69
01/25/2025 at 8:11 AM
Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire!,……That’s the Way to tell ’em!
Donna Jean
01/25/2025 at 9:26 AM
Thank you!