Are you done screwing around yet, Chris Concepcion?

By Mabel Doge Luhan

In these gloomy, gloomy days, it’s so lovely to occasionally hear some good news.  And this past Ides of March, Bryan Manabat, of all people, brought the happy news to us!

As I described in my previous column, MVA took a luxury vacation to a beach resort in Malaysia, at an event that billed itself as “a platform to support Malaysia’s aviation, tourism and economic development.” And, well: success! The five-star beach resort in Malaysia (NBD, only $500/night) seems to have made such an impression on Mr. Concepcion that he wants to come back! Judging from the photo accompanying the article, Mr. Concepcion has enjoyed no shortage of FRESH LOBSTER. No wonder he wants to “develop new markets,” wink wink. Score one for the Malaysian tourism industry!

Or maybe it was all a blur, as right before traveling to Langkawi, the MVA folks spent eight days in Australia. Oh, you didn’t know that they were taking an eight-day vacation in Australia? You still paid for it. Just the per diems on MVA’s Australia trip were $6,756. And that’s just the per diems. The airfare and lodging and eating costs — don’t even get me started!

I’m sure they were benefiting the Commonwealth, and verifying that indeed we don’t have any tourists from Australia. They will be making a lot of such trips to Malaysia also, because I can assure you: we won’t be getting any tourists from Malaysia.

I know this is conceptually quite complex, but generally, people vacation to experience something different from home. Now, I know this is high-level stuff, but just bear with me. People from cold climates come to the CNMI for its warm climate. Indeed, not just cold climates, but cold climates, high disposable income, and nearby location. That’s who will travel to a tropical destination such as ours. That is why we get tourists from Japan, Korea, and exclusively northern China! Amazing, isn’t it? 

Did you notice something on your vacation in Langkawi? On the rare opportunity you weren’t at a champagne brunch or cruising on a yellow submarine, you may have noticed that the weather in Langkawi, and all of Malaysia, is quite warm. I know you’re just a political appointee, but stick with me here—

Malaysians have a lot less money than Japanese and Koreans. Unlike Japanese and Koreans, Malaysians have tons of tropical beaches in their own country. Also unlike Japanese and Koreans, most Malaysians travel only on low-budget group tours, and require robust Muslim religious infrastructure in their destination. So IF THE JAPANESE AND KOREANS DON’T WANT TO COME HERE, WHY THE HELL WOULD THE MALAYSIANS COME?

I’m sorry for yelling, Chris. But in these times of budget cuts and desperation, are you done screwing around yet? Do you really think you can conjure Malaysian tourists out of thin air if you just take enough vacations to Langkawi — when the Japanese and Korean tourists, who should be much easier to attract, want nothing to do with the CNMI? 

What in the world were you doing in Australia for eight days, by the way? Are we going to be “eyeing the Australian market” every time someone in the CNMI government wants to see some kangaroos? 

And why are we neglecting the basic upkeep of our own islands, but still feeding millions of dollars to the MVA traveling clown show? 

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Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.