By Mabel Doge Luhan
Only three weeks after Mabel’s Table covered the MACS/J&P demand for a tax exemption, it was finally covered in the Marianas Variety! (“MACS’ $8.2M investment hinges on tax exemption”)
The Variety sent the usually competent Andrew Roberto to cover it. And Andrew was almost competent. But as my second husband found out on the operating table, “almost competent” isn’t good enough!
“MACS would like to offer direct passenger flights,” Andrew tells us. Really! Is he a mind reader? That can read a corporation’s mind? Is this like that article that claimed that IPI “respects” a court ruling?
“Part of their investment includes airplanes with premium seating and air conditioning,” Andrew continues. Wait. Did they buy the airplanes or not? What investment are we talking about? Is this something that happened or is promised or what? What the heavens is premium seating?
And why is Andrew writing as if we’re supposed to be grateful that a private company bought itself some airplanes? I guess it’s better than us buying them some airplanes. Don’t you miss Si Rafet?
“MACS’ tax attorney Tina Azarvand explained…” And you are taking this “explanation” at face value? Is this like when Carter Widmor “explained” his Amish brain cancer and the Variety took it at face value?
Then we get a lot of claptrap about how expensive airfares are and how hard it is and so on. All true. But this has absolutely nothing to do with granting this company a tax exemption. And there’s no causal connection between a tax exemption and supposed lower airfares.
Every business in the history of the world (other than in the CNMI) pays taxes. If you’re magically exempted from taxes, why would you suddenly cut prices? You’d pocket the savings, wouldn’t you? There’s nothing in the QC about lower airfares, other than vague promises. (To be clear, price regulation is a terrible idea. But anyway, there’s no price regulation involved here, other than this company’s vague implicit promises, meant to reel us in LIKE A BIG FAT PALAKSI.)
And then Andrew starts talking about his family! In context, of course, although perhaps sending a reporter to interview their relatives isn’t the best idea:
“Saipan Sen. Celina Babauta said interisland transportation is ‘something we all need in this time.’”
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Is there a shortage of pixels? There’s no need to abbreviate the word Senator. Andrew must have picked up that habit from his orthographically impaired colleagues.
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More importantly, every product sold by every business is something we need. Isn’t that the definition of a product? Are we going to give tax exemptions to every business in the world? Because every business in the world, at least every surviving business (Hagu next, Variety! Love, Mabel), is selling something we need. That’s not a reason to grant them a tax exemption.
“She said supporting MACS’ application for a qualifying certificate ‘will inject much-needed competition, which would naturally drive prices down.’”
Giving a tax exemption will “naturally” drive prices down? When has that ever happened, ever, anywhere in the world? And when almost every business in the CNMI engages in blatant collusion and price-fixing, what makes you think this airline wouldn’t do the same? That’s still unrelated to the tax exemption, by the by.
And then comes the part where I swear, MACS Daddy is making fun of us:
“So you either sacrifice the quality of planes and you’re going to get packed in like a can of sardines into a little tiny plane, or you’re going to have more comfortable planes with higher safety ratings and all of these things.”
I can see what’s going on in the lawyer’s head (I’M PSYCHO): “Ok, we need to offer these people something they’ll go for and understand. I know! Let’s tell them that if we don’t pay taxes, they’ll get to fly to Tinian on comfier planes!”
And even Andrew Roberto, our Great Brown Hope who’s usually our last journalistic defense against hucksters and grifters, swallows it whole. Fiscal crisis and government desperate for cash notwithstanding.
Too bad. For all of us.
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Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
