By Mabel Doge Luhan
That was a close call! The CNMI almost lost its foremost falcon-loving hyperelderly busybody!
Well, it all started with some confusion about the meaning of the word “inflammable,” and a Friday night where I was a bit cavalier with where I stashed a lit opium pipe. Soon, my iron lung was on fire! Contrary to what you read in Saipan newspapers, NO ELECTRIC MASSAGER WAS INVOLVED IN THIS CALAMITY.
Before Orville could even mute the Dua Lipa he had blasting from my prized gramophone, an ambulance was at my door! Oh, say what you will about the faults of living in Saipan, but this ambulance reached Kagman V only slightly slower than the HSV-2 epidemic, and the young men and women onboard were QUITE GENEROUS with dispensing lorazepam — they joked that it was “to make that old codger shut up.” I KNOW SARCASM WHEN I SEE IT.
Why, the problems only started when we hit the road! It seems that, just like the case in most of the world’s most interesting countries, a wailing ambulance or police siren on the road is pretty much ignored in Saipan. Nobody on the road moves out of the way. People just keep driving. What a delightful piece of Manila right here in Saipan!
The CNMI traffic code does mandate immediately moving over to the side when there’s an emergency vehicle within 500 feet:
https://cnmilaw.org/pdf/cmc_
But nobody does it.
In fact, I forced my batman to open a ventilation crack in the ambulance window and fire his shotgun in the air to try to clear the traffic, but that helped only a little bit.
It would have helped a lot more had the police enforced our traffic regulations and issued tickets to all the cars that just keep driving normally when there’s an ambulance with emergency lights nearby — and in the CNMI, that’s pretty much all cars.
This is so basic. It’s one of those very simple things — like cockfighting, bicyclists riding against traffic on public roads, and government officials taking titles of nobility for their spouses — that separate us from the first world. Even if the US flag flies overhead. They move over for emergency vehicles in Mexico, and even in the wilds of Canada! Why can’t we do it here?
According to the American Heart Association, every minute that passes without emergency care reduces the chances of survival of a heart attack by 10%. According to the National Stroke Association, every 15 minutes without emergency care causes the loss of 6.4 million brain cells (why, I’d be in the negative numbers already!). And the National Trauma Institute talks about “The Golden Hour” — the importance of getting medical care within an hour of trauma. All of those can be severely impeded by cars that won’t move for ambulances. And similarly for fire or police vehicles.
There are other traffic laws that would make a big difference in public health and safety, but our people and also our police officers ignore. Example:
https://cnmilaw.org/pdf/cmc_
Did you know that you have to yield the right of way before entering a road? As a copper back in New Mexico once explained to me, that means that if any car on the road has to slow down or steer to avoid you because of your entering the road, you get a ticket. I usually sit in the backwards-facing seats in my Plymouth limousine, but I am quite sure that my wheelman has to stomp on the brakes constantly as cars enter the road in gross violation of this regulation — and the cops do nothing about it.
Well at least DPS is ardently ensuring that everyone who wants a driver’s license has valid immigration status! They know what’s really important! (Although to be fair, DPS doesn’t call the shots on this one, and they are waiting for legislative action — ki ora nai?)
You’ll be glad to hear that I made it out of this hullabaloo alive and well, or as alive and well as I ever get! My iron lung now has a built-in fire suppression system, as does my personal massager, WHICH WAS NOT INVOLVED IN THIS INCIDENT.
Start pulling over for emergency vehicles. Start following the right of way. And start enforcing the traffic regs.
_____
Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
2 Comments
Russ Mason
09/04/2024 at 3:51 PM
Pulling over for a siren is the least of it, since it’s not a daily occurrence.
What IS a daily occurrence is that some Locals come to a dead stop before using their turn-signals. This is, unfortunately, too common in the CNMI.
When I was in high school I took Driver’s Ed, and learned that one should use the turn signal 100 FEET before any intended turn. This alerts the other motorists, and is more than a mere courtesy.
I was waiting, blinker on, to turn into the Capitol Hill Market, when an approaching car suddently turned into the Market.
I followed him in to parking lot. When the driver emerged, I asked him, “Does your car have turn-signals?” “Yup,” the man replied. “Well, do you ever use them?” He scowled at me.
And another thing…
Allowing ONLY those with a MEDICAL PLACARD to park in a reserved Blue space . I have one, and if I see someone pull into the Blue space, I hold up my placard and yell, “Got one of these, Spud?”
It’s better on Saipan became most drivers are more thoughtful than their counterparts in the USA. The lame excuse I often heard was, “I’ll only be a minute!”
My response: “How about NEVER? Does NEVER work for you?”
I know an Associate Judge who often handles traffic complaints. Many of our Locals think it’s OK to drive with an expired license or an unregistered vehicle, or with no insurance at all.
But that opens a familiar kettle of fish. The Local driver, stopped by a Local cop, are often related, or someone’s neice or uncle. In many situations they are either given a warning or a simple, “Have a nice day now.”
There oughta be a law. Oh wait. There are lots of laws, but getting Local cops to enforce them is another matter.
The cause of poor driving and parking habits can be attributed to the lack of a Driver Education class in the many high schools. In fact, a Driver’s Ed class ought to be mandatory for anybody who commits a traffic violation.
That would make us all much safer.
Banidoso
09/05/2024 at 6:33 AM
With the current projects on the roads, sometimes vehicles are not able to just pullover as you might end up in a ditch or a ruin your tires.