By Mabel Doge Luhan for Mabel’s Table, Kandit News & Views
I’ve been wondering, but a bit shy to ask:
Is The Purge still on? Is everything still legal? Are federal crimes not being enforced or prosecuted? I just want to make sure, before I restart my home distillery and finally follow my dream of issuing my own currency.
It would certainly seem so. Just [Thursday], a ho-hum Variety article mentioned that Brendan Layde said that the two bidders in the IPI auction are actually alter egos of IPI. In the CNMI, as in China, that kind of maneuver is met with “Nice try, try again next time, bye.”
In the first world, including, until recently, the United States, that kind of attempted fraud is, or at least was, prosecuted as a crime. If the allegations are correct, 18 U.S.C. § 157 and also 18 U.S.C. § 152 might apply. There’s also wire fraud, mail fraud, and anything else they can get.
The perpetrators know, however, that in Saipan, the law isn’t enforced. Will they be proven correct?
We know that local laws aren’t enforced, unless the enforcement aids some politician’s personal interests or threat of enforcement allows a bribe to be collected. We’ve known this for a long time. But now it seems federal law enforcement is falling into the same basket.
After all, one of America’s largest ever alleged heists of federal funds took place in Saipan. There was alleged money laundering, tax evasion, and foreign vote buying. Any federal prosecution? Crickets.
Every Sunday, As Lito comes alive with illegal cockfighting, gambling, racketeering, and tax evasion. All federal felonies. It’s out on the main road, in bright daylight. It’s been happening for years, and federal law enforcement doesn’t care.
You can buy illegal antibiotics, skin whitening pills, and even worse stuff at every sari-sari in Saipan. The feds don’t care.
Go down to Godfather’s and you can listen to every “businessperson” in Saipan offering the sale of unregistered securities (“invest in my business”). That’s a felony. Nobody cares.
Most public-facing Saipan government employees actively solicit bribes (they don’t consider them bribes if not in cash), and then don’t declare the bribes as income. Not even one prosecution.
And on and on and on.
But the feds, led by Thirtyfour Felonies, are now going to put their resources into “hunting down” (the language from the new ICE ads) people who overstayed their immigration status but are not criminals. Which for some reason is a much higher priority than all the actual crimes happening in Saipan?
Contrary to what King Leer (or King Liar; I can’t decide which name is better!) says, undocumented immigrants don’t commit much crime. In fact, they commit much less crime than US citizens:
“Undocumented Immigrant Offending Rate Lower Than U.S.-Born Citizen Rate”: https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/undocumented-immigrant-offending-rate-lower-us-born-citizen-rate
Also: Michael T. Light, “Unauthorized Immigration, Crime, and Recidivism: Evidence From Texas,” Final report to the National Institute of Justice, award number 2019-R2-CX-0058, January 2024, NCJ 308552. https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/308552.pdf1
But not to worry! When and if undocumented immigrants, or US citizens, or anyone else in Saipan does commit crime, you can be sure of one thing: it won’t be prosecuted.
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Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
