JUST KIDDING • By Mabel Doge Luhan
Long live the Queen!
Oh, you didn’t know that Topher and Thom of Marianas Visitors Authority recently cruised over to England? Even if you didn’t know, you paid for it!
On November 11th, Kandit sent MVA an Open Government Act request for the costs of MVA’s recent European vacation. Not shockingly at all, we haven’t received a reply. Perhaps the reply will be like the previous reply we received from MVA, in which they left the airfare and hotel expenses blank?
Well, going to England was certainly worth it. The British have absolutely no other place to visit. J/K. Has MVA ever heard of Tenerife? (RHETORICAL QUESTION)
I only have to wonder how Jet Set Siempre #1, also known as MVA, upheld its longstanding tradition and embarrassed us this time! Did they tout their good relations with the Republic of Northern Ireland? Or maybe they asked to see Prince Albert in the flesh?
Let’s take a look at their profile at this circuit party:
I tried to stop reading at “Saipan is the capitol island.” But then I saw it again: “Capitol island: Saipan.” You guys make us proud.
Why is there a route map showing fictitious connections we have to Australia? Don’t you know that lying isn’t a good look? Oh wait, you don’t.
And why did MVA think it important to point out how close we are to North Korea? Do you think the British public is that interested in the inspiration behind Rafet’s coiffure?
And the phone number — why is there a /1 at the end, other than the simple reason that none of these people has ever worked in a professional environment? Is that just in case the phones are overwhelmed? (Yes, I know that’s how they write taxi phone numbers in the Philippines. You may one day notice that you’re not a taxi in the Philippines.)
Seriously, we are spending tens of millions of dollars a year on these people?
The question is not how many British tourists will visit the CNMI — because I’m sure some will happen to stop by for whatever reason — but how many additional British tourists will visit the CNMI as a result of MVA’s European vacation? I hate to be a know-it-all, but how about zero? And how much additional tax revenue will we get from zero additional tourists? Most likely zero. Yet the money we paid for this European vacation is definitely not zero.
Meanwhile, here in Saipan, times are tough. People are putting their land up for sale, and there are no takers.
And according to MVA’s own press release, those tourist arrivals just keep going down!
Have those arrivals bottomed yet? That’s a slippery question I’ll leave for MVA to figure out as they drain our coffers to penetrate new markets. I’m sure they’re on top of it!
For shame. MVA went on a European vacation, and we didn’t even get a postcard. Only the bill.
