By Mabel Doge Luhan for Mabel’s Table, Kandit News & Views
Hello, fellow illegals! How do you do?
You don’t think I’m talking to you?
I am!
Have you ever exceeded the speed limit? Rolled through a stop sign? Underreported cash income? Been overdue on your car registration or license? Late in paying taxes?
Then you, too, are an illegal! Get out of here! THERE IS NO PLACE FOR ILLEGALS IN OUR WORLD.
But you didn’t commit a crime, you say? Only a civil or regulatory violation? For which you’ve never been caught? Funny — that’s exactly the situation of most undocumented immigrants!
Oh, small mistake. Underreporting income is a crime, not just a civil violation. And bribes are taxable income — nota bene, about 80% of the CNMI Legislature!
But let’s get back to those people who overstayed their immigration documents.
Writing them off as “illegals” is stupid. Unless you’re going to also write off anyone who’s ever violated any civil regulation as an “illegal.” Which most likely includes every adult in the CNMI!
Sneaking across the border without CBP inspection is a crime. How many of the undocumented people in the CNMI have done that? I’d venture to say none. And if they did, we have some gold medal endurance swimmers among us.
Presenting fake documents to CBP is a crime. Some people have attempted that. They’ve been busted. The ones who haven’t been busted yet should be busted. No argument there.
But overstaying? That’s not a crime. It’s never been a crime. “But it’s a crime in the Philippines and Mexico!” half of the Variety commenters will caterwaul. Yeah. Last I heard, we’re not the Philippines or Mexico. It’s funny how the “America #1, third-world countries suck” crowd wants to literally emulate third-world countries when it suits them.
So if you call overstayers “criminals” or “illegals,” you already show that you don’t know the law. Now, “it should be a crime” or whatever — fine, take that up with Congress. But it’s not a crime. Unlike the list of actual felonies for which your idol Thirtyfour Felonies was actually convicted — but those crimes don’t count, right?
Maybe I’m no better than the Marianas Variety, because I’ve mostly plagiarized this article. It’s for the most part been already written in John 8:7-11. All of you vocal Christians do know that one, right?
My apologies for sending you to the actual KJV, instead of Facebook and TikTok, but let’s take a look, shall we?
Old Testament
Leviticus 19:33-34: “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”
Deuteronomy 10:18-19: “He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.”
Exodus 22:21: “Do not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt.”
Zechariah 7:10: “Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.”
New Testament
Matthew 25:35: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.”
Hebrews 13:2: “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”
Romans 12:13: “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Wow, neither Jew nor Gentile! Has anyone told Elon Musk?
If you hate Filipinos, or brown-skinned people, or non-US citizens, say so. That is at least a factually defensible position.
But if you are claiming that overstayers are “criminals,” you’re factually wrong, prima facie. They’re not “criminals” any more than you’re a “criminal” for that time you parked in a no-parking zone.
And if you’re claiming to be a Christian, then follow the principles clearly outlined in the Bible.
You don’t have to be a Christian. You don’t have to be a decent human being. You don’t have to be a law-respecting American.
But if you claim to be any of those, then do it.
_____
Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
3 Comments
Rabbi Mercedes Benz
01/28/2025 at 10:52 PM
The following passages can be found on Chabad.org and have both the english translation and original Hebrew passage as they appear in the Judaic scriptures side by side. After reading them, you can see first hand how modern biblical translations have been distorted from the original scriptures. If you want to read them for yourself, just use the search function and enter “The complete Tanakh”.
Leviticus 19 (Hebrew Vyaikra)
Verse 33
When a stranger sojurns WITH YOU in your land, you shall not taunt him.
Verse 34
The stranger who sojurns WITH YOU shall be as a native from among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God.
To understand the meaning of these passages requires more than can be written here. It is more about protecting a “guest” who is under your own personal protection. The Islamic religion also has a version of this rule. What should be noted is that this rule is specifically addressing a sojurner (common in biblical references) that has fallen under your invitation, permission or servitude.
An example can be found in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. If you remember the story, Lot gave refuge to two angels at his home. Some men from the city came to Lot’s home demanding that he give them up so they could have sex with them. Lot (following the biblical law and traditions at that time) offered up his virgin daughters in their place. When the men angrily entered Lot’s home, the angels struck the attackers blind and then guided Lot and his family out of the city. Spoiler alert, God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah and if you remember, Lot’s wife violated the warning not to look back and she was turned into a pillar of salt (Genesis 19). I suggest anyone who is interested, to read the entire original Hebrew version on Chabad.org
Duetoronomy 10 (Hebrew Davirum)
Verse 18
He executes the judgement of the orphan and widow, and he loves the stranger, to give him bread and clothing.
Verse 19
And you shall love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.
Exodus 22 (Hebrew Shemot)
Verse 21
You shall not opress any widow or orphan.
Zechariah 7 (Hebrew Nevi’im)
Verse 10
Do not oppress the widow, the orphan, the stranger, or the poor man. Neither shall any of you think evil against his brother in your heart.
Again, this is an established tradition found in biblical times amongst most established religions in those regions. It is more about charitable giving to those who are in need or those who are “traveling” to another destination.
Bottom line, do not be fooled by charlatans who use sacred literature falsely to support the illegal immigration agenda (especially from woman that keeps a life time supply of double AA batteries in her night stand).
If Mabel want to use the bible to further the illegal immigration debate, let’s also apply equally what the bible says about other issues? If we follow (to the letter) the many passages in the bible, there is going to be a large number of CNMI & Guam residents (mostly politicians) rounded up to be publicly stoned to death.
Mabel Doge Luhan
01/29/2025 at 12:35 PM
GOOD JOB FINDING THE WEBSITE OF CHABAD LUBAVITCH AND LEARNING ALL ABOUT CHRISTIANITY FROM A FAR-RIGHT HASIDIC CULT. IF THERE IS EVER LITERALLY A JEWS FOR HITLER MOVEMENT, THE LUBAVITCHERS WILL BE FIRST IN LINE. MEANWHILE I FOUND A WEBSITE WITH A VIDEO CLIP OF A MAN WHO CAN PUT HIS [REDACTED] UP HIS BOYFRIEND’S [REDACTED], UP TO THE ELBOW!
Didi
02/11/2025 at 10:15 AM
I love Mabel, she is absolutely saying the truth in these matters. Many “Christians” claim dominance over any other religion and enforce it on others, but they don’t even follow what the preach. Absolute hypocrisy! CNMI people (at least the manåmko’, I only hope) have always been followers and complain about issues, but never voice it out loud or do something about it. We always have to follow the elders and to never question them, even when it is downright dumb. I have always been respectful but I always correct misinformation and tell it like it is. A lot of people did not like that, but I do not care. They rather pass on their messed up ideals and values to the next generation, than make it a better world for their kids. CNMI people are cowards, it really hurts me to say that, but it is true. They complain about how messed up their government is, they know that nepotism runs rampant in every corner of the islands, they do not actively try to fix any problems…, but they just continue the same behavior and cycle. They continue because that is all they are taught and they taught not to break the cycle. I really wish the people of my island could actually grow a spine and speak for their interest, not against them. Sorry for the rant…