I admit I haven’t kept up with affairs in Russia since Czar Nicholas Junior and I attended the races at the Moscow Hippodrome just before that nasty little almost-revolution of 1905. I hear there’s a new czar now, and my goodness, isn’t he a doozy: he’s formed alliances with North Korea, Iran, China, Hamas, and the GOP!
Apparently, on February 24, 2022, just two days before my birthday, Czar Vladimir’s army invaded the neighboring country of Ukraine. Maybe they were drunk and thought it was Finland?
Anyway, I’m told that things didn’t go so well for Russia militarily. So instead of being an invading army, they switched to being a terrorist group, and have switched to lobbing missiles at Ukrainian schools, hospitals, shopping malls, and museums.
Well, the United States would have none of that. After all, we intervened when Iraq invaded Kuwait. We more famously intervened when North Vietnam invaded South Vietnam. We intervened when gun-toting loonies embarked on mass murder campaigns in Syria, Libya, Afghanistan, Kosovo, Bosnia, Somalia, and some other places I can’t even find on my Orbis Terrarum map!
But now, there are doubts, inspired by Donald Trump’s proud doctrine of Russia First. Ooops, he calls it America First.
Always-truthful Donald assures us that it has absolutely nothing to do with most Trump condo buyers being Russian oligarchs!
https://www.reuters.com/
https://foreignpolicy.com/
So it must be because Ukraine is a democracy, and its president is a Jew? Oops, I just said the quiet part out loud, didn’t I!
What I meant to say: It’s because Ukraine has corruption, and Joe Biden’s son once served on the board of directors of a company headquartered in Ukraine.
That’s enough reason to side with Russia in its illegal terrorism, isn’t it? I mean, look, the US has corruption, and I’m sure some unpopular politician’s son has served on the board of a company headquartered in the US — that justifies the 9/11 attacks, doesn’t it?
True, the situation isn’t really comparable, and making the comparison might be a bit offensive! After all, over 20,000 civilians were killed in Russia’s terrorist bombing of Ukraine. Fewer than 3,000 civilians were killed in Al Qaeda’s terrorist bombing of New York City.
https://www.rferl.org/a/
And that corruption in Ukraine? Of course Ukraine has corruption. In fact, countries that are invaded are typically the ones that have been weakened by corruption. Ukraine has much less corruption than the Trumpists’ BFFs Russia, Hungary, and North Korea, which are run as defacto private piggy banks by a few lucky families.
Well, but look, Ukraine is so far away! To Trumpists who subsist on welfare and have never traveled outside the continental US, maybe. To the rest of us, Ukraine is the biggest (not counting Russia) country in Europe, and a key US ally and future trading partner. This is going to be our European base for the future, the same way Japan and Taiwan are in Asia and Israel and Bahrain are in the Middle East.
That and more importantly, if Putin is allowed to take Ukraine, he won’t stop there. That’s not speculation. It’s openly disseminated Russian propaganda: they talk about moving in on the Nordic countries next, the Baltics, and then of course Germany and France.
https://unherd.com/2023/11/
And why not? The US, the world’s biggest army, has given them carte blanche.
And what relevance is it to us in Guam and the CNMI when a faraway land with a lot of corruption gets invaded by a murderous dictatorship that’s trying to cozy up to our supposed protector — oh wait.
Imagine if China launched the attacks on Guam and the CNMI that it loves to portray in its propaganda videos.
And imagine if the GOP pointed out all the corruption in Guam and the CNMI! And even played some video clips of Marianas politicians loudly proclaiming their hate for the United States. And pointed out that most people in the Marianas aren’t even white! So what value are those islanders to the GOP?
America first, isn’t it, and what kind of America are some brown-people-populated islands in the Pacific? And Xi is such a nice fellow, giving Trump a big parade, and he’s our good trading partner, and he doesn’t steal federal money like those islanders do.
Are you shuddering yet? I am.
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Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
