Transhate Purging of Military of Highly Qualified Soldiers Endangers American Security

By Mabel Doge Luhan for Mabel’s Table, Kandit News & Views

“Small But Not Freakishly Small” has been the nominal POTUS for less than a month, and he’s already succeeded at greatly improving national security. Russia’s and China’s national security.

Those wussy beta soyboy presidents before Donald Trump served in the military. What losers! They incorrectly thought they understand what the military is all about: patriotism, protecting the country, and eliminating the enemy. Those woke fools were all wrong.

Donald Trump never served in the military. In 1968, he paid a family friend to diagnose him with “bone spurs” so he could get out of the draft. He openly scorns the American military, veterans, dead soldiers, and Gold Star families. But he’s watched a lot of porn, so he knows what the military is all about: the military is all about genitals!

Did you think that was generals? No, no. It’s GENITALS.

Forget about woke Marxist stuff like aptitude tests and protecting the Constitution. No, it’s all about cocks and beavers, and who was born with which one. If Donald Trump doesn’t like the genitals you were born with, you can’t serve your country! It’s only a matter of time before Arnold Palmer is made chief of missile defense. Cue Putin and Xi high-fiving.

Let’s look at some of those soldiers whom President Watersports is kicking out of the military. We (meaning China and Russia) can feel so much safer now with these horrible transgender troops getting kicked out of the US military.

Colonel Bree Fram

I ask you to consider Colonel Bree Fram. She serves in the United States Air Force and United States Space Force. She holds an MS in astronautical engineering from the Air Force Institute of Technology and an MA in national security from the Naval War College. By the way, she used to work (as a legislative fellow) for Si Madeleine Bordallo. Whew, that was close! I’m glad she’ll no longer be protecting us from China and Russia! ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bree_Fram )

Sergeant Cathrine Schmid

Then there’s Sergeant Katie Schmid. She is a signals intelligence analyst in the United States Army. That means she listens (literally or metaphorically) to signals traffic and turns what she hears into actionable reports. She was accepted into the Audie Murphy Club, a prestigious elite group of Army officers. Just to apply for the Audie Murphy Club, an officer has to be in the top 2% of noncommissioned officers. Thank you, you fat orange Ritalin-snorting heap of shit, for removing Sergeant Schmid from protecting the United States.  ( https://www.linkedin.com/in/cathrine-schmid-7236a4227/ )

Commander Emily Shilling

Say hello to Commander Emily Shilling. She is an aerospace engineering duty officer in the United States Navy. She holds a BS in aerospace engineering from the University of Colorado and an MS in systems engineering from the Naval Postgraduate School. She flew E-6B Prowlers, EA-18G Growlers, and F-18 Rhinos in Afghanistan and Iraq, then was an electronic attack project officer. She completed test pilot training and served as a test pilot of new electromagnetic aircraft launch and recovery systems (basically rail guns that shoot airplanes out of them, then catch them). Commander Shilling holds three Air Medals and a Distinguished Airmanship Award. Those won’t do her much good, of course, because the genitals she was born with haven’t passed Donald Trump’s and Elon Musk’s rigorous pornographic standards. Bye bye, Commander Shilling! Elon and Donald wish you xiexie and dasvidaniya, respectively. Enjoy all the offers for “well-paid cooperation” you’ll be getting from Russia and China on LinkedIn in the coming days and years. ( https://www.aiaa.org/detail/person/cdr-emily-hawking-shilling-usn )

Thousands More

And there are about fifteen thousand more dedicated American soldiers whose genitals aren’t to Elon and Donald’s liking. ( https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/trans-military-service-us/ ) In a time of heightened tensions with Russia and China, and a famously difficult recruiting landscape for our military forces, what a great idea it is of Donald’s and Elon’s to get rid of these people! Especially all the highly trained officers; even if we could find new recruits who have dicks and pussies Donald and Elon approve of, it would take decades to train them to equal the expertise of the people being fired now. Of course, Donald doesn’t have expertise in anything except wasting his inheritance, and Elon just makes up whatever credentials he lacks, so what would they know about highly trained military professionals?

You’ll be pleased to hear we’ll also have many fewer islanders in the military. For the past few decades, DEI initiatives gave candidates from the Marianas a leg to stand on for admission to the military, and especially into its elite echelons. Well, no more. Now candidates from the Marianas will have to compete on entrance exam scores alone. Based on the disparity between average entrance exam scores in the Marianas and the mainland US, it’s not looking good. We won’t have too many of our people serving in the military anymore. But that’s what we want, right, Trump-loving islanders?

Thanks, Donald Trump and President Elon Musk. Thanks, all their cheerleaders, near and far. Thanks especially to Governor Arnold Palacios and Delegate Kimberlyn King-Hinds, both of whom have endorsed Donald Trump’s policies. And let’s not forget to thank our very own David Apatang (US Army 1967-1987), who’s just along for the ride. Thanks to what the three of you have actively endorsed, fifteen thousand of our finest soldiers will now be unemployed, their roles suddenly vacant. Thanks to you, Russia and China will snicker at us, as we’ve taken out fifteen thousand of their worst enemies on our very own. Appointing a literal Russian spy, Tulsi Gabbard, as Director of National Intelligence is just topping on the cake.

But at least we have plastic straws, NFTs, and the Gulf of America.