The Saipan Chinese propaganda machine smells of radioactive fish

By Mabel Doge Luhan

It’s a sad day for Mabel’s Mockery Machine when the Variety is producing grammatically correct, factual, and even professionally journalistic news. Zaldy Dandan actually wrote a very good editorial (“Santa Claus Is Broke,” December 22, 2023) about the need for politicians to be leaders, instead of mere weather vanes of their constituents’ whims.

I wipe away a nostalgic tear (at my age, it’s mostly eye crust) of longing for the days of the Variety printing completely fictitious “news,” incomprehensible sentences, and shocking leaps in logic. But what’s bad for Mabel is good for the Commonwealth — maybe now the Variety will even grow some ovaries!

So far, the Variety’s ovaries are about as big as those of the Saipan Chinese News. The “independent” Saipan Chinese News would never go against the Chinese government or its wild conspiracy theories. Funny, isn’t it, that an “American” business that issues green cards for living in America is parroting the CCP’s lies?

A recent green card issuance from the Saipan Chinese News:

We can read their December 22 issue — at a URL clearly not meant to be found by anyone other than its Saipan Chinese audience. We can easily translate everything using a smartphone’s camera translation feature; they have the text presented as images, so you can’t auto-translate within your browser (totally unintentional on their part, I’m sure!).

So this “article,” printed in a US-based publication that claims to be impartial news, screams that 1) Dead fish washed up in Hokkaido, and 2) They are fish killed by the Fukushima water release. Since ever since, China’s government has been pushing the lie of Fukushima’s water release being “dangerous” in order to hide its own environmental crimes, as well as to reduce its dependence on imported seafood. I mean, only Chinese made food is safe, right? The Chinese government went so far as to censor online educational materials about radioactivity, so people couldn’t fact-check the government’s lies.

Well, those lies only get pushed out in China, right? Nope. They have a worldwide network of propaganda-spreaders. See also:

The Saipan Chinese News article claims that “the UK now admits” that the Fukushima water was radioactive and dangerous, and regrets its previous “lies” claiming that it was safe.

How does “the UK,” as a single voice, “admit” this? Through an article in — wait for it — The Daily Mail. An article in The Daily Mail that speculated that maybe Fukushima had something to do with the dead fish. You know, The Daily Mail: the UK’s own Alex Jones, John Ulrich, and Russ Mason. Never mind the thousands of legitimate British (and world) publications that categorically say the dead fish in Hokkaido have nothing to do with radioactivity — no, the Saipan Chinese News will quote The Daily Mail as the authoritative source and the voice of “the UK.”

Unfortunately, for most of the readership of The Saipan Chinese News, who have very limited English and even more limited formal education or exposure to the world, this argument sounds good enough. If Betty Bai and her “news” organization had any regard for these people, they’d perhaps provide them with real, reliable news sources, such as the New York Times or BBC Chinese Editions, both available for free online. But no. Betty knows where her bread is buttered, and her readers are stuck with Betty Bai’s retelling of The Daily Mail, or whatever else the CCP deems to be the talking point of the week.

The Saipan Chinese News article goes on and on about the dangers of these fish, quoting reliable sources such as internet commentators and tabloids. And the article ends with the invective: “The Japanese government should not discharge the nuclear sewage into the sea.”

Except China’s nuclear plants discharge a lot more radioactivity than Japan ever did. And Betty doesn’t seem concerned about that.  “[A]t least 10 nuclear plants in China in just a year discharged liquid effluents containing more than 4.5 quadrillion becquerels of tritium—more than 200 times the self-imposed annual limit for Fukushima’s wastewater release.” (Time magazine, September 8, 2023)

What else? Right after the article parroting the CCP’s talking point about Fukushima, there’s an article parroting another CCP talking point: Joe Biden is “too old” to be US President. Because apparently the CCP hasn’t gotten the message that we elected Mr. Biden, and unlike the case in China, our leaders aren’t secretly chosen in red-draped back rooms. If we didn’t want him as President, we wouldn’t have elected him.

Then there’s an article claiming that many Americans are moving out of the US and to Mexico. The CCP used to play up the crowds of migrants entering the US from Mexico, until it was pointed out that this meant people wanted to live in the US. Now the story is that Americans are crowding to move to Mexico. Must be like those boats of Americans trying to get from Saipan to China for a better life, right?

Then there’s an “article” about the wonders of Hong Kong Disneyland, directly opposite an article warning about the dangers of gun violence in— wait for it— Vermont.

Has the Saipan Chinese News and its principals correctly registered themselves as foreign agents as required by FARA ( )? That was the sin that did Paul Manafort in!

And, speaking of Paul Manafort, this issue of the Saipan Chinese News finishes with a totally straight-faced article about Vladimir Putin’s “political campaign” to be re-elected as “President of Russia.” Of course, no mention of his age, the nuclear pollution he oversees, or that his “election” is a sham.

All this, from an “independent” (cough cough) news source — one not registered as a foreign agent — in Saipan.

We know what’s radioactive and smells fishy, and it has nothing to do with Fukushima.


Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.


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