By Mabel Doge Luhan Who stole my Manabat? I’ve been a bit under the weather since I heard the news of Donald Turnip still ambulating mostly under his own power.…

By Mabel Doge Luhan It’s a little bit off-topic, but I just want to make an announcement: I am 2024 Opinion Columnist for the US Territories. As if that weren’t…

I admire the hardworking Saipan Chinese News! Holidays or not, they publish on time! Of course, publishing on time is a lot easier when they plagiarize almost all of the…

By Mabel Doge Luhan  Congratulations on your investigative reporting, Marianas Variety! You got an awesome scoop in your January 2nd issue. You caught Representative Julie Ogo introducing a completely wack…

By Mabel Doge Luhan Isn’t it great to have friends? I mean real friends, like my friends in Langley who let me use some of their AI tools to identify…

By Mabel Doge Luhan Making an airplane is hard! So when China built the “Chinese” Comac C919, they copied the fuselage from Airbus and the engines from GE. Making an…

By Mabel Doge Luhan It’s a sad day for Mabel’s Mockery Machine when the Variety is producing grammatically correct, factual, and even professionally journalistic news. Zaldy Dandan actually wrote a…

By Mabel Doge Luhan Isn’t technology wonderful? Orville just gave me his old T-Mobile Sidekick, apparently because it lacks a kitchen appliance! What will they think of next?  He’s just…

By Mabel Doge Luhan I’m fresh out of benzos and my dealer’s not answering the phone — it must be Christmas! We have a lot to be grateful for this…

By Mabel Doge Luhan It’s wonderful being the best at something! I slip my shuffleboard scorekeep a few Andy Jacksons to ensure I win every match. Indeed, I follow Mainland…